SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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