not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
