everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My pussy is not your playground.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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