i wish my penis had a tongue
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
