Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
