can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
