In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
