My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
