He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The adults are the big ones right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
