My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
