Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
