I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
