can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
