Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
