It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
