Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
