Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
