lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
