party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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