There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
