dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
