When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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