Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
