If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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