The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
