I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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