Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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