you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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