then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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