it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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