Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
