I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
