So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
