If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
