now i know why i became what i already was.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
