great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im six kinds of drunk right now
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
