please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
