You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
