We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
