fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
