Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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