if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
