Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
