either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
