Already got asked if we're dating
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
