there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
