So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
