he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
