There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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