You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
