when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
