It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
